A wangster, otherwise known as a wigger, is a subspecies of the species Homo sapiens. While the wangster is nearly indistinguishable from the general human population they have several distinguishing features. The first of which is the fact that their “street cred” consists solely of being able to recite lyrics from bad rap songs. I would give you some examples but, I am not a wangster. Second wangsters tend to do a majority of their shopping at Ross and TJ Maxx. Now I will be the first one to tell you that there are some excellent deals to be had at these outlets. I will also be the first one to tell you that it is unacceptable to rock a velour South Pole tracksuit with built in white trashy grime stains all over. Wangsters also have a tendency to introduce themselves by their nicknames. Usually these nicknames are full on ridiculous. For instance our Seattle correspondent, Jeff, recently encountered a wangster who introduced himself as “Stealth.” When Jeff gave the wangster a “what the f?” look the wangster quickly corrected himself, “oh I mean my name is Steven but you can call me Stealth.” Which brings me to another important trait of wangsters, they are pussies. It is important to consider that the only definite test of one’s wangsterness is to fight whoever it is you suspect of being a wangster. If you get your ass kicked then you are a pussy, or that dude was a gangster.
