Man Down: LOL : )

To text is human nature these days. You might find yourself texting the girl you met at the bar making plans to meet up or even flirting with her. You might also text your buddies for a variety of things. These two situations call for two sets of etiquette--- if you are being dirty with the girl from the bar and not sure how she will take your advances sending a "LOL" or a ": )" is standard procedure. If your buddy sends you a joke or a dirty pic and your automatic response is to shoot him a "LOL" --- MAN DOWN. So, to recap, "LOL" ": )" to a girl, OK. "LOL" ": )" to your buddies. MAN DOWN.

Man Up: Sloan

Now we might be forced to wait until summertime to enjoy a new season of one of Man Up. Man Down.'s favorite shows, Entourage. However, experiencing the pure immeasurable level of hotness that is Sloan, played by Emmanuelle Chriqui, is always in season. She might be dating the Man Down rule breaker that is E, but just one glimpse of Sloan getting in her obligatory five lines of dialogue makes any man forgive and forget. Emmanuelle, we forgive you for being Canadian, we forgive you for You Don't Mess With Zohan, and we thank you for playing an uber hot lesbian bartender in Waiting.

Man Down: Wangsters

A wangster, otherwise known as a wigger, is a subspecies of the species Homo sapiens. While the wangster is nearly indistinguishable from the general human population they have several distinguishing features. The first of which is the fact that their “street cred” consists solely of being able to recite lyrics from bad rap songs. I would give you some examples but, I am not a wangster. Second wangsters tend to do a majority of their shopping at Ross and TJ Maxx. Now I will be the first one to tell you that there are some excellent deals to be had at these outlets. I will also be the first one to tell you that it is unacceptable to rock a velour South Pole tracksuit with built in white trashy grime stains all over. Wangsters also have a tendency to introduce themselves by their nicknames. Usually these nicknames are full on ridiculous. For instance our Seattle correspondent, Jeff, recently encountered a wangster who introduced himself as “Stealth.” When Jeff gave the wangster a “what the f?” look the wangster quickly corrected himself, “oh I mean my name is Steven but you can call me Stealth.” Which brings me to another important trait of wangsters, they are pussies. It is important to consider that the only definite test of one’s wangsterness is to fight whoever it is you suspect of being a wangster. If you get your ass kicked then you are a pussy, or that dude was a gangster.

Man Up: The 4 Day Work Week.

I had a great weekend, unfortunately, it is now over. I was talking to a friend the other day and we had an awesome idea. The 4 day work week! Now, I know it’s not a new idea; I am not trying to steal it. But, in this time of economic recession, global turmoil and flooding in the Philippines (Seriously weather gods why do you have to shit on the Philippines? Europe and Canada are totally past due for a natural disaster) we have forgotten the best idea ever. Let’s get it going again people, I mean at least talk about it, next time you are in the office being unproductive on Facebook, Skype, MSN or whatever just broach the subject to your equally unproductive friend like, “Yo, what up with a 4 day work week?” And by stating it as a 4 day work week you don’t have to feel guilty about saying what you really want…yeeeeaaaaaaaaahh. That 3 day weekend babay!

Man Up: Stuffwhitepeoplelike.com

The only way this blog could be any better is if I wrote it. Still, this is a great website with hilarious insight into the mind of you white people. Don't worry, even my white half thinks it's amazing. Note: Don't go around telling your friends about stuffwhitepeoplelike.com, especially if they are white, because most white people like it already and white people like being the guy who discovered a cool new blog.

Man Down: Designer Jeans

When you are looking at your girlfriend's butt (or a random girl on the street) you might notice the label of her jeans. Citizens, True Religion, Sevens, if you are not aware these are $150 and up in price. Now if you look in the mirror and see these labels on your butt... MAN DOWN. The first indication that you should not be wearing these jeans is that girl's wear them. Second, why would you spend that amount of coin on jeans? Third, Levi's (see future Man Up) are your Man Up alternative.

Man Up: Maker's Mark Bourbon

For those of you who have ordered a Maker's, whether it be on the rocks, straight, or with soda and a lemon need not read on. Others need to experience the simplicity that is leaning against the bar at your favorite watering whole and ordering a Maker's. You will soon become your bartender's best friend, instead of wasting his precious time considering your options, you will be short and correct. In addition, you will have a beverage that tastes good, does the trick, and always looks good in your hand. Just remember, it's not just a whiskey, it's bourbon and don't fuss with it too much because its good bourbon.